What are you looking to create in your life?

There have been times in my life when I have stood at the crossroads and looked back, and I began to question if my life has ever been a life of contribution, or have I been just pretending? I questioned my contributions and wondered if I’m living the results of what that might have been – or have I, in fact, been a “taker” most of my life. The gift of the question allows me the opportunity to decide to choose again. What do I want to create this time around? As I understand it, creation starts with choice, and I can always choose again. My potential becomes an outcome of my choice as long as I am able to stop all judgment and live in allowance of other people’s choices.

As I ponder the outcomes of what exists, as opposed to what I thought they should have been; I take a look out the window and see the most beautiful flower in full bloom. In that moment I realized that the meaning in my life has been one of constant appreciation for the magnificence around me. I revel in the natural beauty that I get to appreciate all around me as I have matured. What I am all about and what gives meaning to my life now is so different from the many hectic years that I spent busily doing so I could make ends meet while I was raising my family… myself included. Is life really meant to be about living a life of struggle and diminishing my connection with the source of everything that I am? I have always gravitated towards meditation, prayer and maintaining this connection open so I can be the best me that I can possibly be. Despite this long practice I have come to understand that in order to receive I have to be open to it or it just doesn’t work. I have to choose to contribute as a source of love in my surroundings. This is the part where choice enters as our universal gift, we were given free choice

I have been on a trajectory of self discovery for a long time and as I have grown into more of me. I recognized the areas in life that I wanted to improve for myself, and along the way I left behind friends with whom I was so comfortable with during times when I was contributing to a state of negativity and self deprecation. I participated in the energy and felt justified in complaining about something or someone in my life. Now it seems that the more silence I have in my life the more I am able to reconnect with the more expansive part of me. In that expansion I recognize that no matter what happens, it is always for the best. While I still go through my occasional bouts of self doubt, negativity and darkness, the periods in this space have become shorter and more productive. I am now more capable of being open to what is being reflected back, though at the moment I may not be able to change it. It seems to me that the results are always positive and I am left pointed in the direction of something greater than I ever recognized before. Even if it is just the recognition of the reality of this, my abundant life; regardless of whether I appear to be moving in the wrong direction, there seems to be a recognizable magical strand which always connects to my higher source and pulls me back to my path.

Predominantly it is a feeling of immense gratitude for my life, and for my children, and for finding my way to a conscious relationship in which there is so much love and appreciation for each other. We are never convinced of the need to change the other person in order to feel happy, and because we understand that we are here to walk together in partnership, we happily walk side by side holding each other’s hand.

As this is the month of gratitude, I ask again, what are you looking to create in your life? Are you living in gratitude for every moment that takes your breath away or are you just waiting to see what’s going to happen next? In looking back I have learned to be grateful for every moment and to appreciate what is unfolding before me, while learning to also love myself and being grateful that I’ve made it this far.