Archive : July

Was it a heart attack?

It was still dark outside, I opened my eyes feeling that my heart was racing, I couldn’t breath, and the pain was so severe that I couldn’t move, it felt like someone was pressing my upper body to the bed and I was unable to move; my shoulders, arms and upper body were extremely heavy and I couldn’t move, I felt like I couldn’t talk or scream out that I was in pain; I had my friend’s family staying with me for a few days and I was afraid of waking them up because they had to get up to go to work the next day, but I couldn’t breathe, I was not coordinating, I stayed in bed waiting for the pain to pass, it did pass, but when I tried to up, I was extremely dizzy and weak. I made it to the bathroom and called out to my friend Linda for help. I was pale and unable to think, stand or breathe, it was hard for me to understand what was going on and Linda, being a nurse, instructed me to get dressed so she could take me to the emergency room.

It was really early when we arrived at the Arcadia Methodist Hospital, they asked me to sign the forms so a doctor could see me, but I couldn’t write, I could barely moved and needed to crouch down in order to breathe, my brain was not functioning and I felt like I was fainting…. The nurse came out and wheeled me into one of the emergency rooms, the doctor came in and saw my distress, he gave orders to the nurses, an IV was inserted on my left arm and the doctor came in to tell me that my heart was going to be restarted, that the reason my brain wasn’t functioning was that my heart was not carrying oxygen to my brain and my heart was going to be restarted! I was given an intravenous injection and was told that I was going to feel a flush throughout my body, meanwhile, there was a machine brought to the door of the room I was in and I had one nurse on each side of my shoulders and one nurse by my left leg and the doctor on my right, I think they were expecting me to flat line because they were prepared to revive me or something worse. Fortunately for me, once the medicine was injected I had a fairly quick reaction and within seconds my brain was functioning again. The doctor kept me in for a couple of hours and sent me home. I was ready to go back to work until Linda stopped me and pointed out the seriousness of what had just happened.

It took me a while to realize that I had been so stressed and that my body needed to slow down! Slow down I did, I continued to take a couple of days off and went to my regular doctor for a check up and to organize my doctor appointments because now I had been ordered to a cardiologist who could tell me if I had in fact, had had a heart attack.

Breaking my heart wide open and restarting my heart was a new beginning and a closing of my old life, a second chance at life.

A couple years before this incident, I had been going to a Chinese Herbalist and Acupuncturist for a coughing problem, it had been checked by my MD and after running tests they couldn’t find anything wrong with my lungs. I had been coughing for a few months and it had started to annoy me. When I started going to the Chinese Doctor, she told me that my heart and lungs were working together in synergy with one another and that I needed to heal my broken heart.

After my mom died, life was transformed and it seemed that I had prepared myself for her departure, but when the reality of her transitioning hit my heart, it was broken wide and totally sad, there was nothing I could do to find a resting space.

Around the time that Mom got sick, my son had left home on his way to creating his own life. The sadness and lack of preparation to become an empty nester at the same time that I was in the process of helping mom in her transitioning process. My brother, sister and I were with her every step of her process. We had decided to spend as much time with her as we could, but everyone grieves in their own way and I found myself alone for the first time and mom was not around any more to console me or to give me advice. In the last years of mom’s life we had spent a lot of time together, she loved to cook and so my son and I would go to her apartment to eat with her and watch tv and talk.

Mom’s departure left me heartbroken… Until one day, it finally decided to show me a way to healing. After leaving the hospital that day, I started going to the cardiologist and eventually found a way to heal my broken heart and open to new possibilities in my life. It took time and lots of searching to find a way to find the magical and joyful me… Now I wake up every morning with a grateful heart in the recognition that it took me a while to find my way and now when I look back, I understand that it was all a process of recognizing the beauty within, the love that I am and the power that I am. It was never outside of me…… It was always within me!

I Discovered an Opening

In the space between relaxation and sleep I discovered an opening to that infinite being of which I now know and recognize, but, has lived hiding for fear of shining my light. A powerful light to an awakening to a reality that is not and has never been mine. I discovered a space of Light that illuminated me, the open door, the entrance to a level of being that I did not know. This, at that moment, gave me permission to be more of myself and allow love to flow to the infinite being that I am.

I perceived a powerful light that made it easier for me to wake up from a reality that kept me unconscious and asleep, rejecting the greatness of my being. Waking up from a reality that kept me locked in the limiting energy of self-deprecation and victimization. I chose for a long time to live hidden from my being and now I understand that limitation is not part of who I am.

In my dream I understood that living in insufficiency is a choice that limits me and deprives me of the power to live a deeply vibrant and enlightened life and allow the greatness of my being to show the luminosity of my spirit.

My being is part of a great and expansive universe in which I am a grain of sand that participates and collaborates in a great design. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the availability and openness to this expansive space that I accepted and allowed myself to be and live in, because I recognize that I am an infinite and unlimited consciousness!

My question is, what else is possible when I live from the elegance and opulence of that infinite being that I am?

My ask of this Universal force is to show up and gently guide to more of me and to free me from the problematic back pack that I accepted as my lot in this life time.

The nature of our new reality

“Spirit really exists, it’s not a dream” – Amazonian Shaman from the Yanonami Tribe.

We’ve lost the simplicity of life. We have become so engaged with the material aspects of our Western civilization, that we’ve forgotten how to live in grace and in adoration of a higher magical and child-like life experience. We’ve grown up (and lost our innocence); we have become automatons to the god of money and possessions. How much more can I acquire is really the new, adopted living god of this experience.

We are constantly bombarded with new and better gadgets. Acquisition keeps us occupied and blinded to the greater unity of life, that which represents a greater opportunity to live in cooperation with our world and with each other.

We notice helplessly the climatic change and are waiting for the government to change it; all without taking any responsibility for our own households, our own trash, our usage of water and food, and without offering any contributions to the creation of a new world order that is contributing to creating changes in our society. So, how will we be prepared for the climatic changes that we are seeing and experiencing on the planet? How can we become a greater contribution to our changing world? How can we contribute to helping the homeless find shelter? Can we build gardens and empower each other to build a self sustaining society?

Oración del mes de Julio

Padre, Madre, Dios, Gran Espíritu, Fuente Universal, Luz Eterna, Creador de todas las cosas en mi.  Yo soy la Fuente y doy gracias por este día en el que elijo permitir que este mes de julio sea el mes más afirmativo, más hermoso y lleno de gozo de este año.  Yo entro en el espacio más espectacular de mi ser interior para crear abundancia, amor, salud plena y aceptó que la Fuente dentro de mí se transforme y muestre la luminosidad de mi espíritu a guiar mi camino.

Ya no cedo mi poder a los eventos, personas o cosas fuera de mi fuente interior. Acojo todo mi poder, abarcó todo mí ser y continúo permitiendo que aparezca más de mí. Soy el Espíritu viviente, soy la fuente, soy el Uno, soy la fuente maravillosa de todo en mi universo y creo facilidad de movimiento, salud completa y asombrosa y abundancia y libertad en mi vida. Es mi primera y única elección el permitir que mi luz interior cree una vida impresionante.  Aceptó una nueva realidad, mi verdad como un ser empoderado lleno de la generosidad de la espectacular Fuerza Creativa Universal dentro de mí ser. ¡Soy infinito!

Vivo y tengo mi ser en la maravilla de una conciencia elevada sabiendo que toda la vida viene a mí con Facilidad, Alegría y Gloria. Vivo una vida mágica en la opulencia de mi herencia Divina he elijo la Facilidad, la Alegría y la Gloria de mi ser. Y así es, ¡Amén!

A prayer for the month of July

Father, Mother, God, Great Spirit, Universal Source, Eternal Light, Creator of all things in me. I am of Source, and I give thanks for this day. I choose to allow this month of July to be the most affirming and joy-filled month of my year.  I am allowing the most spectacular space in my inner being to create abundance, love, perfect health and to finally allow the Source within me to transform and show the luminosity of my spirit to be a guide of The Way.

I no longer relinquish my power to events, people or things outside of my inner magnificent source.  I embrace all of my power. I embrace all of me, and I continue to allow more of me to show up.  I am the living Spirit. I am of the originating force. I am the One. I am the magnificent source of everything in my universe and I create ease of movement, complete and amazing health, total abundance and freedom in my life.  This is my one and only choice; to allow my inner light to create a breathtaking life. I accept a new reality, my truth as an empowered being filled with the bounty of the spectacular Universal Creative Force.  I am infinite!

I live and have my being in the awesomeness of an uplifted consciousness, knowing that all of life comes to me with Ease and Joy and Glory.  I live a magical and opulent life as it is my Divine inheritance to choose Ease and Joy and Glory.  And so it is, Amen!